The Invictus

Im off on yet another one of my sojourns...this time to Jakarta...Wont be back here till Monday...So, I shall flatter myself enough to think that somebody would miss me, and promise to come back and post on Monday!:-)
Tata...birla...

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Ok, that headline has got almost nothing to do with this post...Its just that I like it, and i get to post what I like, isnt it?:-)

Was reading thru' one of my "many-conveniently-forgotten-promises", and decided i'll turn around (figure of speech), and come good on atleast one of them...the one where I said I'll write about some of my pranks in college...here it goes...

This one is from my engineering days....

A bunch of us had just discovered the joys of basketball, smoking, and wasting away hours in the canteen (not necessarily in that order)...And our sincere commitment towards these pursuits left us with no time to attend to that small matter: classes and education. And so days went by, till one day we realised that we were heading towards serious attendance problems...But then, when has a trivial matter like attendance ever hindered sincere people like us? We decided on a new modus operandi. We would indulge in all of the above, and when its 15minutes left to go for the class to end (classes were of 1 hour duration), we would somehow sneak into the classroom. Just in time for the attendance. Just like that.

We used to have this PYT as our lecturer of Basic Electronics (FY BE)...Dont recall her name, tho' I remember we used to call her "Sharon, the Stone" for some reason. Once, as usual, a group of about 10 guys, that included your truly, sneaked into the class when there was all of 15 minutes more to go. And it didnt stop there..A classmate (N) and I decided we had a future in Aeronautics, and started firing away these match-stick missiles (Agni??)..These "missiles" would fire away (literally and metaphorically)...
To our luck, one such missile decided to make a landing on Sharon's dupatta, which promptly got burnt...the poor PY thing got the shock of her life, and became hysterical...At this stage, the rest of the late-comers made a vanishing act from the class...Sharon started to walk out of the class, duly promising that she would discontinue the course, and complain to the prinicipal etc etc...
That was a scary proposition to yours truly, since, for all the interesting things that I did, there was also that one useless thing called "Distinction" that I would somehow manage, and was needed (family commitments, also a license to indulge in the interesting exploits), and cancelling the course would have hurt the purpose!

That then started the phase-2 of our drama: N & I went to Sharon, made a sorry face and.......hell, we didnt apologise...we told her how because of a few "thugs" who are not interested in studies, "sincere and honest students like us (N & I, of course) would suffer"...So please to be forgiving...and more sob sob sob...After some more sobs, we managed to convince Sharon that "for the sake of sincere students" like us, she had to continue with the course..of course, without penalising anyone....

Now, after that, whether we got "honored" (by the "thugs") or kicked by the silent spectators is a different story...and, i assure you, not half as interesting...

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What if the I.T. industry starts producing movies? Would it be called "I-tech movies"?

Some Film titles may be like these :

#1. Hang To Hona Hi Tha !!!
#2. Meri Disc Tumhare Paas Hai
#3. Aao Chat Kare
#4. Programmer No.1
#5. Mera Naam Developer
#6. Java Wale Job Le Jayenge
#7. Hum Apke Memory Mein Rehte Hein
#8. Do Processor, Baarah Terminal
#9. Tera Code Chal Gaya
#10.Har Din Jo Mail Karega
#11.Network Ke Us Paar
#12.Debugging Koi Khel Nahi
#13.Jish Desh Mein Bill Gates Rehta Hai
#14.Raju Ban Gaya MCSE ..!
#15.Client Ek Numbari, Programmer Dus Numbari
#16.Login Karo Sajana
#17.Naukar PC Ka
#18.1942 -- A Bug Story
#19.Kaho Na Virus Hai
#20.Crash Se Crash Tak
#21.Haan Maine Bhi Debug Kiya Hai
#22.Shaheed Hacker Singh
#23.Password De Ke Dekho
#24.Terminal Apna, Login Parayi
#25.Mr.Network Lal
#26.Terminal Sajaake Rakhna
#27.Hackers Ka Raja, Debuggers Ki Rani

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Have you seen those Jackie Chan chinese movies? or better still those Non-Jackie Chan Chinese movies? Yes yes, the same ones that have a lot of kung fu, noodles, "eeeyaaaaoow", chopsticks. And "Master" of course. These movies always have a great Kung Fu teacher, and his many students. All of these students always address the great teacher as "Master" (pronounced as "Mastah"). Its also interesting how the best student of the great "Mastah" always ends up marrying the Great Mastah's daughter, who is Not called as "Mistress" *indignant*. Anyways that's not the story here.

Ok, now that brings up a question to my mind (questionable mind, eh?):

If a chinese student were to study in an english school, and the great teacher were to be Prof. Bates, would the chinese student address him as "Master Bates"??

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Hurray, I've been "rewarded" with a GMail (Google mail) account by the fine people who run Google (and Blogger.com)...Apparently some regular users of google services have been selected to receive and test this "revolutionary" new email service...so they say...

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This is a "PS".

After reading the 2 posts of today (below), in case you are wondering how I could swing from one extreme mood to the other, I just wanted you to know that "I'm like this only", kindly adjust!:-)

Woke up in the morning feeling all "down" - monday morning blues / missing DC - and wrote what was playing in my head (aaye tum yaad mujhe)...then got down to reading some stuff to lighten up, and, boy, did i start flying or wot?!!

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A pregnant woman is about to give birth. The doctor has her on the delivery table, legs up in the stirrups. Suddenly, he sees the top of a head push through. Then the baby pops its head out and says to the doctor, "Are you my dad?".

The doctor says, "No, I am your doctor!". With that, the baby pops right back inside.

"Damn!", says the doctor. A short while later he sees the head push through again.

"Are you my dad?", asks the baby.

"No, I am your doctor.", he replies. Once again the baby vanishes back into his mother's womb.

The doctor turns to a nurse and says, "Nurse, get that baby's father in here right away--we may have a situation on our hands!". Moments later the baby's father is in the delivery room, and the baby's head once again pops out. "Are you my dad?", the baby asks of the father.

The father replies, "Yes, little baby, I am your father!"

The baby then reaches up and begins poking his father in the forehead with his index finger--"How do you like that?"

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Aaye Tum Yaad Mujhe Gaane Lagi Har Dhadkan
Khushboo Laayi Pawan, Mehka Chandan

Jis Pal Naino Mein Sapna Tera Aaye
Us Pal Mausam Par Mehndi Rach Jaaye
Aur Tu Ban Jaaye, Jaise Dulhan
Aaye Tum Yaad Mujhe...

Jab Maein Raaton Ko Taare Ginta Hoon
Aur Tere Kadmon Ki Aahat Sunta Hoon
Lage Mujhe Har Tara, Tera Darpan
Aaye Tum Yaad Mujhe...

Har Pal Man Mera Mujhse Kehta Hai
Jiski Dhun Mein Tu Khoya Rehta Hai
Bhar De Phoolon Se, Uska Daaman
Aaye Tum Yaad Mujhe...

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There are a lot of questions in my life...a few "What"s, a few more "How"s, and a truck load of "Why"s....Thought i'll tackle the "why"s first....(Sidenote: These are not inspired by any other website..these are what Anu Malik would call "Original"...I swear on you!)

#1. If you "Ride" a bike (2-wheeler) & "drive" a car (4-W), then why do you "ride", and not "drive" a horse?
#2. Before marriage, men "yearn" for a wife; after marriage, the "y" disappears...Why?
#3. Why is a priest called "Father" when he is , you know, celibate and all that?
#4. Why do women marry rich old men, and then spend the rest of their lives looking for a little "change"???
#5. Why is it that if you take out the "Dum" from "Dumpati" (Married Couple), you get a "Pati" (Husband)?
#6. Why do women want only the most-perfect men for husbands, and then spend the rest of their life trying to change them?
#7. Why are they called "Apartments" when they are all stuck together?
#8. Why do Lipton employees take "coffee" breaks?
#9. Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
#10.Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

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Singapore Sling - Singapore's own Cocktail!

Ingredients:

Peel of 1 lime
29.5 ml gin
29.5 ml cherry brandy
29.5 ml benedictine
club soda

Combine gin, cherry brandy, and benedictine in mixing glass with several ice cubes. Stir. (You may also combine ingredients in a shaker and shake.) Strain into a tall glass into which several ice cubes have been placed. Fill with club soda

To garnish, neatly peel the lime in a continuous spiral. Add the entire lime peel and serve with a swizzle stick.

For a delicious variation substitute ginger ale in place of the club soda.

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For some reason, I woke up today remembering these scenes from the movies:

1. Movie: Anand
Scene: Cancer-afflicted Anand (Rajesh Khanna) is standing alone on the portico, by the window and allows himself to feel sad for the first time in the movie. This is just before he breaks into the song "Kahin door jab din dhal jaaye..." So much pathos, so much emotion, without having to shed even a single tear...Brilliant! It's almost like Anand has been putting on a happy facade all the while, and for the first time, he lets the mask slip...albeit when he's all alone by himself, far from the eyes of his near and dear ones....

2. Movie: Door gagan ki chchaon mein
Scene: The picturisation of the song "koi lauta de mujhe, beete hue din"...Magic in Black & White....In my opinion, the best movie Kishore ever did..Again the picturisation of the song "Aa chal ke tujhe", with Kishore and his son walking hand-in-hand across the hills, beyond the clouds...to a distant land....after losing their home and belongings...Freedom and liberation from worldly desires....Beautiful imagery..something Color movies can never ever aspire to capture.

3.Movie: Kuch Kuch Hota Hain
Scene: Anjali (Kajol) is about to get married to Aman (Salman). Anjali, decked in all her bridal splendor, is standing by the window of her room, her eyes betraying the pomp and sparkle of the occassion. When Rahul (Shahrukh) walks in searching for his own daughter, Anjali. And the conversation that follows. No tears, no melodrama. Simple emotions. Simple sadness. Simply beautiful!

4.Movie: Kuch Kuch Hota Hain
Scene: Anjali (Kajol) and the kids are singing "Raghupati raghav" song, while Rahul (Shahrukh) comes running across the rope-bridge searching for his Anjali (daughter)...The end of the song coincides with Rahul calling out loudly to his daughter "Anjali", only to see his "other" Anjali (Kajol) turning around to face him. The next minute or so is pure brilliance in acting...The mixture of confusion, surprise, happiness,nostalgia, self-consciousness, awkwardness...is a sheer delight to watch...Shahrukh and Kajol have never been so good together...I guess Kajol could always bring out the best in Shahrukh, without him having to resort to his usual hamming.

5. Movie: The Truman Show
Scene: The entire second-half of the movie.
Especially, the last scene when Truman (Jim Carrey) overcomes his own putrid terror of the sea, and the elements thrown at him by his "creator", driven singly by his desire to break-out of his cocoon....finally hits the wall - a metaphor for his own limitations, the final frontier separating him from his uncertain but exciting future, one that promises him his freedom...The mixture of uncertainty & a growing feeling of excitement at having finally found his freedom couldn't have better expressed. Jim Carrey truly, truly became my fave after this role. Im still sulking from the fact that he lost out on an Oscar for this performance. A performance of a lifetime.

PS: Isn't it ironical that Jim Carrey was, personally in real-life, trying to break-out of his own cocoon as had been defined earlier by "Ace Ventura", "The Mask" etc, and was trying to seriously become a more versatile actor, a more serious actor....?? I guess, where Truman succeeded, Jim failed.

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Ashi, as promised....Snapshots from Japan!



PS: The rest of the snaps were removed on 28th April, for no reason whatsoever.

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....the why do people who are attracted to each other start looking alike?? (on a separate discussion, does this mean that they will no more be attracted to each other? Maybe its a karmic cycle of attraction & repulsion, no?)

The "keeda" for this post was planted by KJ in one of her comments to my earlier posts. No, this post is not about how KJ keeps planting "keedas" and affecting the general health of the public. This is far less interesting than that. This is what KJ wrote:

".....it happens when ur fine tuned to another person...and before u know it, u'll even start looking like each other...for the wife's sake, i hope ur good looking :p"

That then set me off on the highroad (sidenote #1: why is it called "Highroad"? Is it becoz its an uphill? Must be, considering that any activity involving any amount of thinking is definitely an uphill task for me:-P).

In my 2 years of knowing my wife (DC), have I started looking like her? Or, worse still (for her, of course), has she started looking like me *shocking*?

Now since DC stays about 5 hours away from me, it is obviously difficult for my 256MB BDD (brain disk drive) to make a fair comparison. (I need her to be here, right in front of me to make any "spot 6 differences" kinda analysis, u see)

Thats when i decided to instead understand and answer a related question:

What would happen if, as KJ says, my wife and I were to start looking like each other?

This, my BDD confirms (without any RAMming, of course) can be done. So it goes on to present its conclusions on the complicated analysis, as below:

#1. Indian women look good with a headfull of thick hair. It is advisable not to change this status. (unlucky me:-()
#2. Indian women don't look good with facial hair. It is advisable not to change this status too.
#3. It has been proven that Gillette Mach3 is harmful to sensitive female skin. And Revlon to sensitive male egos.
#4. While wifey can still wear my T-shirts (which she already does) & trousers, sadly, I cannot wear her blouses and skirts.
#5. A female imitation of a nasal Kumar Sanu song ("yaara o yaara, milna hamara, jaane kya rang laayega...uuhhoo uuhhoo") actually manages to sound worse than the real thing.
#6. The family consumption of make-up, esp. moisturiser / facial creams would go up. I wouldn't know where to stop applying the "facial" cream, and start applying the shampoo instead!
#7. Woman with beer paunch is neither "ale" nor healthy!
#8.................
#9.................

Oh my god, am already thinking like a woman!! I can't seem to go beyond 7 points (8 & 9 are there coz "9 is so lucky ya....") (Sidenote #2: Ashi, you asked me to make this sexist remark, remember?)

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As i get ready to hit the sack and call it a day, a thought enters my mind and refuses to go away. A thought that makes me sad. A thought that makes me wonder "what if only...?". A thought that takes me back by 10 years.

The thoughts of Ayrton Senna. It will be 10 years to the day on 1st May, since the legend moved on to a different plane, leaving us mortals behind. I still find it difficult to consider him - my first F1 idol, THE Fastest man in the world - as "Late" Ayrton Senna.

RIP.

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Ashi, expect such english usage in Japan!!!:-)
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Reasons why English teachers die young: Actual(!) Analogies and Metaphors found in High School Essays
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#1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
#2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
#3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
#4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
#5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
#6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
#7. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
#8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.
#9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
#10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
#11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
#12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
#13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
#14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
#15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
#16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
#17. He fell for her like his heart wa s a mob informant and she was the East River.
#18. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
#19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
#20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
#21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
#22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
#23. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
#24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
#25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
#26. Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.
#27. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
#28. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

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This one is inspired by Toinks post on attracting disasters.

I am reminded of one rather funny (to us, not for the pal in question, am sure!) incident that involved a good friend and classmate of mine. NR and I were classmates in school, then in pre-univ (XI & XII), and again in engineering. Further, my mom and his mom were colleagues. So, as you have guessed rightly, we were quite close.

This incident dates back to the time when we both were doing our pre-univ in a college in Bangalore. Every afternoon / early evening, we would go to another of our classmate's (Ishwar) house. Here, we (about 4-5 of us) would play Badminton on the terrace of Ishwar's house. And as yours truly was quite good at the game, NR would insist that I be his doubles partner.

One such evening, we were all playing a hotly contested doubles match on the terrace. NR was, as usual, my partner. During a stage in the game, NR was playing at the back of the court, while I was standing near the net trying to finish-off any loose openings. The shuttle was tossed deep inside our court, and I cried out to NR "Finsh it".....nothing happened. I shouted again "come on smash"....Nothing happened. I turned around to see what had happened, and holy shit, NR was not to be seen!!!!

NR had taken a tumble and was lying face down on the ground. Thankfully, there was a lawn and he had chosen a good green spot to make his landing. We immediately took him to a hospital, where the Doc confirmed that nothing was broken. Not even so much as a bruise. Except that the extremely fair-skinned NR was looking as if all his blood had been drained from one side of his body to the other: He was a mixture of "Indian" and "Red Indian":-D

To complicate matters (for us that is), he started blabbering
"Boss, tho' I fell down, nothing has happened. That means God wants me to live. He has kept me alive so that I can get a Rank in the XII standard exams...."etc etc etc...

Whether God really intended all that is another story. To be told someother day. So keep reading.....

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There is a reason why I am writing this after saying in my earlier post (see below) that I'm feeling too "lazy" to write anything for sometime. No, I'm still lazy and nothing could possibly change that. But then haven't you heard of lazy (idle) mind being the devil's workshop? (not sure of the devil part tho')...And then, of course, interesting things happen when you are lazy enough not to expect any.

I have seen many a movie - of course the bollywood churners - that have enlightened me about the existence of "telepathy" between Husband-wife / mother-son / brother-brother and so on...

I have also read quite a few books on the same - reading which have kept me awake many a late night.

And am sure so have you too.

But, have you ever experienced it yourself?

I have. And have come to believe in it. A sort of an inexplicable but certain link between my wife and me. There have been too many instances supporting this belief - one too many to be brushed-off as "coincidence". The latest one happened about 5 minutes back - and that's the stimulus that set my "lazy" self to put down this post.

It's not coincidence when:

1. everytime she thinks of calling me, she receives a call from me instead. At the very moment.

Uncanny this. It started happening about a year (slightly more than a year) ago. And it continues to this day. Across different countries.

And the vice-versa also happens (she calling me up). But the frequency is lesser. (maybe the signal here in Singapore is not so good?:-D)

2. Everytime - EVERYTIME - we play "20 Questions", we end up guessing each other's answer.

You may say "well, thats what the whole game is, aint it?". True. But then you need to know how different my wife's tastes are from my own. While she is the "sophisticated" one in the family with a fine taste for western classical music (chopin, mozart etc), i'm the "dehati" one who would revel in Govinda's own "symphony no.1" instead. While she would talk comfortably about great philosophical authors (no examples here, dont know any:-D), my list would start at "Robert Ludlum" and end at "John Grisham". You get the picture, right? So the point here is that there's no way she would select a personality that I would be aware of even remotely (my limited brain drive automatically deletes such names to make space for more meaningful ones. Like "Calvin & Hobbes" for example). The reverse too is true. I would also deliberately choose personalities from my own areas of interest that would not be her "top-of-mind" recall.

So as the game goes, rest assured, the first 19 questions are sure disasters for both of us. But then the fun starts. When the 20th chance comes around, I / she would focus hard on the answer, and sort of "urge" the other to get it. And in 9 times out of 10, it works!

While initially it used to startle us, we have now accepted it as real. And instead of wasting time on wondering at it with surprise, we try to deliberately use this "telepathic" link to "transmit" the answer to each other:-)

3. Just today, about 5 minutes before i started to write this piece, yet another incident happened.
As some of you know, DC returned to India yesterday after a 11-day holiday here with me in Singapore and had been missing me all day today. She was travelling home from work in her vehicle in Mumbai when she closed her eyes and thought of me. She thought she could be home early today and be in time to take my call. And the next thing she knows - she gets a call on her mobile. Me of course!:-)

Well there have been quite a few instances like this. But at this stage, my laziness has taken over my self again, and prevents me from trying to remember any more of those instances. So it remains fodder for another day and another blog.

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Had a terrific time all of last week.
Took 2 days off in the middle of the week (Wednesday & Thursday) to take my wife (DC) out to show around Singapore. Went to Sentosa where DC freaked out on the magical fountain show....went to snow city where we (AC / DC) skied together....Did the visit to Jurong Bird Park where DC couldn't stop laughing during the All star bird show - when the parrots start talking (this particular parrot started crying "Amma Appa":-D)....

But then all good things come to an end. Mine did on Sunday morning. After a brief stint as a loving hubby, I went back to my forced bachelorhood. 11 good days ended with DC's return to India.

I guess i'll take some time to get over boredom & "lows" before i attempt to write again:-(

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Taking inspiration from Thullz, I have been fiddling around with the template trying to add features that wud hopefully increase the traffic around here!:-)

Have added the news ticker..will be adding the weather report too....

Any suggestions?

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CR, This is inspired by your post on Spiderman, and how much u want to be like the web guy. What do you know, you seem to have competition from none other than our very own "Garam" Dharam....!!Look at this image and try to imagine Spiderman / Dharam mouthing "Kutte, mein tera Khoon peejaoonga"...



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Just back from a terrific holiday in one of Malaysia's most beautiful islands - Tioman Island...Tioman Island - "Pulau Tioman" as it is called locally - is off the East Coast of Malaysia. It is quite popular for its virgin beaches & the variety of Sea sport options it provides. Amongst other things, We (My Wife and I) got to Snorkel at various locations in the middle of the South China sea! Its an amazing feeling to just jump into the sea - middle of the sea with no land in sight anywhere - and get to see some brilliant corals, touch some most amazingly colorful fish (including Clown fish "Nemo")...And to top it, I took underwater snaps using a disposable underwater camera!!!!! The pics are yet to come - will post them once they do.

The above snap was taken when I was about to leave the place - when I was waiting for the ferry boat to arrive. This was a small boat out in the distance, so far away that to the naked eye, it was no more than a speck in the horizon (Having a good zoom camera helps!). There's something very...how do u say it? - nostalgic maybe(?), ethereal about this pic that transports me to the land of paintings & fairy tales.....Dont you think so?

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Q.How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A.Concrete floors are very hard to crack(u shud know that)!

Q.If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall,how long would it take four men to build it?
A. No time at all it is already built(think ahead).

Q.If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands.(Good 1 na?)

Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand.

Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. He sleeps at night.

Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
A. Wet.(sorry abt this)

Q. What looks like half an apple ?
A : The other half.

Q. What can you never eat for breakfast ?
A : Dinner.

Q. What gets wet with drying ?
A : A towel.

Q. What happened when wheel was invented ?
A : It caused a revolution.

Q. Why is it easy to weigh a fish ?
A : Because it has its own scales.

Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A : Liquid

Q: what is the opposite of Nagpanchmi?
A: Nag did not punch me.

Q:now what is the inverse of Nagpanchmi? Come on..
A: I punched Nag.

Q:Chintu's mom has three sons.What is the name of the other two?
A:Chin-1 & Chin-3

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Marriages are made in heaven, so they claim. I disagree. I think marriages are made in hospitals - for you become "patient" after marriage (sidenote#1: "Impatient to marry, Patient after marriage"...Heyy a good one-liner ain't it?):-) No wonder my wife tolerates me and my idiosyncrasies. Consider what she has to put up with:

#1. Getting proposed to, of all places, in an Auto-rickshaw during peak hour on a hot and sultry mumbai evening.

#2. My running-off to a different city every few months. And leaving her behind.

And when she finally decides to switch cities & jobs to be with me, I happen to run-away to a different country altogether:-D

#3. Everytime she calls up and asks me to say something nice to her, all she gets to hear from me is "Something nice"!

#4. Everytime she asks me to sing something nice to her, all she gets to listen to is a pathetic, exaggerated, but close imitation of Kumar Sanu singing one of his most pathetic songs.....

The list cud go on....except that I dont want to put all of it on record here...who knows, she might just be reading it and getting ideas!!!!!:-)

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With nothing better to do other than reading my own composed mails from the past - and thus look busy during office hours - I came across this mail that i sent out earlier to some of my friendlier colleagues at work. This was a mail i sent out just after my recent trip to Bangkok & Beijing (see my earlier posts..Archived). Thought i could delete the irrelevant portions and post the rest to amuse myself. And then some.

Read on:

Hi all,

There we go again...i just know it when another burst of "serial mail" is about to happen...and this seems like a good time!

What news from my end? well well, lemme see now...

1. was in Bangkok (one word really) & Beijing last week....former being probably more dirty & definitely more slimey than amchi mumbai. Wonder why people go to Bangkok "to enjoy the sun", when its infact quite "Shady"...but as you would have guessed by now (with all the faith u have on my good behaviour), i preferred the sun. Period.

2. Scared the shit out of 2 girls in Beijing. Story goes thus: Went to Tiananman square - which really shud be called Tianan "Men" square from the number of people all around - was "viewed & interviewed" by several young chinese gals who wanted to practise their english skills on me (they really are trying hard to master English - they chat up all & any foreigner who can speak english)...And yours truly casually explained to them that everyone in India ( 1 Billion only) speaks English, infact its the mother tongue these days...Shud have seen their faces - yellow faces turning beetroot red:-)

3. Am playing host to yet another of our colleagues - L - who is staying put at my apartment for the weekend....btw, I went along on his shopping binge, and from the looks of it, he seems to have decided to quit this job.

And open a "kirana" shop in goregaon, selling Fairness creams (why else "Goregaon"?) / Shampoos / conditioners / scrubs and some...things (hell, u dont expect me to know their names, do u?)

4. The TV news channels here are weird. The primetime news has such nuggets as "Old woman slips on the road in Hougang and injures her leg" ...Help!

5. Tried the gym in my apartment once. Am convinced i dont need any more gym-ing ever. End of Gym-ing.

6. Tried Swimming next day. Till everyone else was swept away by the tsunami waves i created. End of Swimming.

re-guards

A

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For some reason, this morning brought back long-lost memories of a friend. Dunno if it was CR's post on friends or something else, but i was overwhelmed by the memory of what happened in 1998...

S was a classmate of mine in first year engineering (i think second year also)...Though not a close friend or anything like that, we got along well...He dropped a year, and thus became my junior in college. However, S continued to hangout with my group of friends.

S came from a rather humble background. He had lost his father quite early in life, and his poor mother had struggled to bring S and his sister(s?) up. S was the eldest, and the only son. His family commitments were, in a way, the reason for his dropping a year in engineering....Later, i learnt that he dropped out of engineering since he had to work to support his family.

Years passed, and I graduated out of the college, got a good job and was pushing a new life.

It was a day in 1998, when another one of my classmates from college called me up......

S had managed to find some odd job or the other, while looking out for that special break that would finally help him get his sisters married, and put a smile back on his defeated mother's lips . He had, finally in 1998, managed to find that dream job that was to be his answer to all his family's problems: he had got a job in the Indian embassy in Washington. Though it was a lowly job, it was enough to help him and his family realise their dreams..S was expected to fly out the next day - Sunday - from Bangalore. But fate had other plans for him...........

On the previous evening (Saturday), S took all his friends out for booze and dinner at one of the dhabas outside the city..I had lost touch with him by then, and hence was not part of that group. Late at night, S was riding back home with his friend on his Yezdi Road King bike when.......

......to say that we would all be meeting up at S's house in an hour's time for one final farewell. Incidentally, S's friend was wearing a helmet & had survived the crash.....

This memory is dedicated to a friend who I didnt really know too well, but wish I did. RIP my friend.

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......then today I can go back home!:-)

Wifey-dearest has come visiting me here for a few days...A short visit, nevertheless good enough to rejuvenate me and keep me in good spirits for another month or two, before I start missing her again...
For now, I'm going around the office with that silly grin all over again!!!:-)

Don't blame me if you dont see me here for the next few days. Kindly adjust!

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After trying out all kinds of things - and with tons of help from ashi - i realised the futility of the effort..the effort to fix my place under the rediff sun...instead, now i have migrated to blog spot...if u have come so far, then you know my new address!!

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Since we are all in the mood for nostalgia, i, too, shall deliberate & then elaborate on how good the ol' days were. My best memories, and by logical extension (courtesy CR!) the life that I miss the most, almost always involve the things that i got to do and get away with.

I have always been the "planning-for-the-future" kinds. As a kid too, i had plans for myself - except that they kept changing. Of course, i was not, and am still not, fickle-minded. Each of these change of plans had a good reason and story behind them. Some of my "future professions" included:

1. Superman: At age 6-7, I was fully convinced that I was Superman. Only proving this to normal humans (read: Mom, dad, hapless younger bro) was left to be done. Those were the days when we were in Bangalore, and our house (like most houses in Bangalore at the time) had a large open area in front with some trees. And a long clothesline. One Sunday (or Saturday) afternoon, a towel found itself converted into Superman's cape (guess that was the largest piece of cloth on me at the time - Superman was only wearing his underwear and "baniaan"). And the cape had to fly, of course. So, I started running from one end of the open area to the other. Except that this Superman had a pair of scissors in his hand. Mom's nice silk and "American georgette" sarees were all spread out on the clothesline for a nice sunday (or saturday) afternoon "tan". Rest is history. Superman had to retire that very day to his fortress of solitude.

2. Mechanic: At around the same time as above, we used to have this old-style telephone - the one that didnt have a "redial" button, the one that looked black and like a huge toad that went "trrring trrring". Yes yes, u get it now, thats the one.
Now, both Mom & Dad would go off to work, while my bro (yeah, the same hapless younger bro) & I wud have the house all to ourselves. (Wow! in hindsight)...Now there was something about that telephone that fascinated me (by then i had decided I was not superman, but a Mechanic). I had seen my dad using the screwdriver, clamps and such other interesting gadgets. So, one fine afternoon I decided to expedite my Mechanic-future and started to "repair" the telephone. Off went all the 4 screws, off came the black top, out came the circular dial-pad. And also a whole lot of stuff that i didnt - and still dont - know of. I must admit i learnt a fair deal of how the telephone works (and a great deal of how it doesnt work!)..Having learnt everything there was to learn about "Telephone servicing", i cudn't put it back together tho'! So, i just put back the black-top cover of the telehone and shoved everything else under that. Hmm..it seemed to look ok i thought.

That is, till my dad came back home and had to make a call. He lifted the receiver, and *clang*, *clonk* &*%&&% all came crashing down.....

That day i realised i didn't want to be a mechanic after all. I then decided I was going to be a Scientist!

3. Scientist: I think I was about 7 then. One of my cousins had become a doctor just then, and I was "maha" thrilled with the prospects of becoming a scientist / doctor types myself. One good afternoon (wonder why it all happens in the afternoons? well, that was the time when Mom & dad wud be away or sleeping, you see), i took the thermometer, and decided that I was both the doctor as well as the patient. In my zeal to become a doctor fast, i forgot that i was not supposed to bite into the thermometer:-( Which is what i did.
All hell broke loose when, luckily for me, my parents got to know of it. They rushed me to the hospital immediately. I remember the doctor (not me, the real one) giving me something to drink and all that - to thankfully confirm that I had not ingested any mercury. Then they took the x-rays to check if there were glass-pieces inside of me. The X-rays didnt seem to show any. However - this is the best part, hold tight! - to be sure that there wud be no bleeding inside, the doctor asked my parents to give me a continuous supply of Ice Creams!!!!!! for 3 days!!!! Amazing!! Royal treatment for 3 days!!!

On the 4th day, my parents fully convinced me that it was not worthwhile to be a Scientist / doctor either.

4. Cook / Chef: This was when I was about 11-12 years. I learnt to prepare this sweet dish "Shira / kesaribath"...simple dish really...That convinced me that my destiny lay in the kitchens of the world.:-) I wud make this dish at the drop of a hat. So far so good.

The trouble started when i started insisting that all visitors to our place have some of this shira. As mentioned earlier, my folks wud be away in office. So any relative / visitor who would come home when my mom/dad weren't around simply had to eat the shira i prepare. I guess, this was one profession my mom was keen i take up considering the no. of unwanted visitors i drove away!!!

But Dad stepped in this time - there was no way I would become a cook. I had to be an Engineer or a Doctor (Engineer preferably, considering my earlier experience)...

So folks, that's how i ended up doing my Engineering (and subsequently "B-school"ing)...
The best part is that, today I get to do all the above exploits - and not only get away with it, but also get paid for it!!

Life is beautiful!! Touche'

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I don't normally give in to the practice of Ctrl+C, Ctrl+V straight from the NET....Atleast I wud like to believe that I gave up this habit after life at B-school..But then, once in a while it becomes quite irresistable and I just HAVE to "lift" some article..Here's one such. A Westerner's persepective (from his name, he doesnt appear to be what the North Americans wud term as "They") on the shenanigans surrounding 911...Read on.....

Tired of September 11th - A Canadian View

I think September 11th has been done to death.

Most North Americans still seem mesmerized by what happened on that day. Anyone who tries to talk about how self-centred and hysterical we've become since then is labelled as being soft on terrorism.

But in the past twelve months, more North Americans were murdered by their spouses than by terrorists. Food poisoning killed three times as many of us as terrorists did. Drunk drivers killed more than five times as many. Ten times as many of us committed suicide as were killed by terrorists. The North American death toll from smoking was 100 times the number from terrorism.

If the next ten years are like the past ten, you still are more likely to be struck by lightning than to be killed or injured in a terrorist attack. Am I saying that terrorism is okay with me? No. What I'm saying is that in the sea of human misery, September 11th was little more than a ripple. I want you to hear this. I am not soft on terrorism. I am soft on children. Today, around the globe, something like 30,000 of the world's children will die of hunger and preventable childhood diseases. In the days since we watched 3,000 of 'our kind' die in the World Trade Centre, 3 million of the world's children starved to death. Beautiful, much loved little beings that mothers and fathers and sisters will grieve and weep for. CNN didn't film them, but it happened just the same.

North American governments are now planning to spend more than twenty billion dollars a year to fight terrorism. Twenty billion dollars a year just happens to be the amount the World Health Organization has estimated it would take to end hunger in the world. It's the amount of money we would need to spend to create a world where no child goes to bed hungry. We've heard a lot of talk since September 11th about how the terrorists are callous and heartless cowards. And here we are, blithely preparing to spend a sum of money so huge that with it we could rid the world of the scourge of hunger, and we're not even weighing that possibility.

We're so frantic to save our own skins that we don't want to know that we ARE making choices.

If we continue on our current path, the architect of the 21st Century will be fear. We will have allowed a motley collection of thugs, misfits and bullies to hijack our hopes for the world.

I know that it is still within our power to build a future with love and compassion at the centre. The first step is simple: we must recognize our panic and calm down.

Bruce O'Hara, British Columbia, speaking on CBS

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Thanks ashi for helping me out with the problem...i think it continues to trouble me...now am trying to explore netscape and see if this helps...


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