The Invictus

Bangalore has been called as "The Garden City" in the past, and more recently, it has earned the grand sobriquet of "The Silicon City of India". While am not going to comment on either, i think it should more aptly be called "The most apathetic city in India". Please do not get me wrong - especially all ye faithful Bangaloreans - am a true blue Bangalorean myself, having grown up in this once wonderful city. But instead of beating our chests and taking offense at anything negative said about our city, let's be honest. Let's just look around us - the chaotic roads, complete lack of urban infrastructure, City police who can't decide whether they are more ineffective or insensitive, utter lack of civic sense, complete disregard to basic discipline and an even more shocking lack of a willingness to change any of it. Is this what we are so proud of?

First rains, and the already hopeless and "just-can't-get-any-worse" traffic situation still manages to beat itself by turning even worse. Not only is one expected to look out for idiots driving contraptions called Auto Rickshaws and their big bully cousins driving City Buses, but one is also expected to stay clear of live wires dangling dangerously, fallen trees, and of course the potholes that seem to seamlessly extend from one to another. And all this in complete darkness, since the Electricity board seems to say "Let there be darkness" with the same alacrity as God saying "Let there be light".

Driving in bangalore traffic is just as pleasurable as getting squeezed between 300 sumo wrestlers. If you are driving in Bangalore, you are doing all of these:

1. Anticipating the mood of the vehicle in front, so that you don't bang into his back.
2. Anticipate the mood of the vehicle behind you, so that he doesn't bang into you.
3. Anticipate the mood of the 2-wheelers alongside you, so that they don't catch you unawares when they pull a "XXX" type stunt on you.
4. Anticipate the mood of the herd of people who might just decide to surprise you by suddenly crossing your path in the middle of the road.
5. Carefully plot the locations of bus stops which are in any case always at the corners of turns or start of half-constructed flyovers.
6. Show a fist while screaming obscenities at the many Indicas & Sumos that ply the call-centre employees.

Of course, you sare expected to do all of these at the same time. Clearly, this requires a tremendous amount of driving skills. Unfortunately, the good folks at the RTO(Regional Transport Office) who issue driving licenses to potential assassins don't seem to think so.

And then there's the infamous cowboy of "namma bengaluru" - the Bangalore City Police. First cloud, and the desi Marlboro man is the first to disappear. But not before he carefully switches OFF all the traffic signal lights! His ineffectiveness is of course so legendary that I am told he is in great demand to train his counterpart in Bihar. But what he certainly cannot train anybody on, is his extraordinary insensitivity. You really need to soak in the bangalore environment to become a zen master of insensitivity. Here's some real life examples:

A week ago, at one of the traffic junctions, one stupid Auto driver crashed into my brother's car (Maruti Zen) and simply took-off without even as much as looking back (You expected an apology, huh?). But not before he took with him the car's bumper and grill. Of course, like most law-abiding persons do, my bro noted down the Auto rickshaw's registration number, and went to the cops with it. The cop asked him to return the next day, since he was nearing the end of his duty and didnt want any "trouble". Of course, with the car being what it was, my bro got the bumper and grill fixed - cost quite a bit naturally. Then the next day, when he went back to the cops, the cops reprimanded him for having his car fixed ("You look like an educated person, is this what you do? You people should be blamed first") and asked him to go back and get the car back to its damaged state before they can do anything about it!! Not to end there, they said the car will then have to be left at the police station for 3 days, during which time, of course, nobody was responsible if anything happened to the car (like geting stolen, for instance). Of course, my bro had to grumble, and then shut up and come back wiser.

Today morning, one jerk on a 2-wheeler crashed into my car from behind. And without as much as an apology, he just took off. The car is damaged and am sure is gonna cost me a few grands to get it repaired. But do you expect me to go to the cops? You know the answer.

This begs the question: Whose side are these cops on? Certainly not the victim, it appears.

Then again, take public activism. or the utter lack of it in Bangalore. A city can only be as good as the strength of it's public activism. You don't need to look further than Mumbai to see how an effective and vocal public can make a difference. Recently, a girl was molested by a police constable in Mumbai. You have heard about it. You have also heard and seen on TV, the kind of public protests that followed it.
Now around the same time, 3 such instances happened in Bangalore. Did anything happen? Not more than a passing mention in one of the inside pages of a newspaper.

And you still think you should be proud of Bangalore?